When jealousy rears its ugly head

I recently read a study that said you will lose 1 friend for every 7 pounds you lose. I'm not sure how scientific that study is, but I do know from personal experience that when you begin making positive changes in your life, not everyone is going to appreciate it.

I try to shy away from the "you're just jealous" card every time someone disagrees with me or doesn't support me the way I wish they would. It's not fair to accuse someone of being jealous simply because they have a different opinion.

However, there are times that other people, including family and friends, will start treating you different once you start changing for the better whether it's with your health, job, finances, relationships, etc. In many of these situations I do think it stems from insecurity and jealousy.

Ever have a situation where you're eagerly anticipating an upcoming race, but your friends could care less? They never ask how training is going and on race day they can't even seem to wish you a simple "good luck."

I wonder how they would feel if they got a new job, got married, or graduated college and I acted uninterested.

Or have you ever had a friend tell you that you talk too much on Facebook about working out….but they see no problem with talking excessively about movie fandoms, celebrity gossip, sports, religion, or politics? They constantly post stupid quizzes or today's version of the chain letter: "I care about beating cancer. Do you? Prove that you care about beating cancer by reposting this. 99 percent of people won't." 

Seriously?

Then there are those who like to share the soap opera drama that is their life without realizing that some things should be kept private. There was a time in which, if you had relationship issues, you had a best friend or family member who you would confide in. But now, people take it all to Facebook for the world to see.

Then of course, we have folks posting seductive selfies because they seem to think we all want to see that much of them.

Or what about the people playing a million levels of Candy Crush and inviting you to game after game?

Apparently, all of that is a-okay.

But don't you dare post something positive that you're doing for yourself because that is just crossing the line!

There was a time when all I talked about was television shows or celebrity crushes. My friends didn't seem to have any issues with that. I never heard, "that's all you talk about."I played Farmville for hours and never heard a peep from my friends.

For the record, I do try to refrain from talking about my workouts and events in person, unless I am asked.  I know not everyone wants to hear about it. But guess what? If you don't like seeing all my posts on FB, maybe you should just scroll past me or block me or unfriend me. Simple as that.

My guess is that this sort of reaction stems from insecurity issues.

People turn to TV and entertainment to escape real life and not have to deal with whatever issues they have. That's why certain friends didn't care if all I talked about were celebrity crushes…because that's what they did too. However, when you start making positive changes in your life, it offends people because it causes them to think about the changes they need to make.

For example: If you know someone who is in bad relationship but you're in a happy, healthy relationship, they will get upset and jealous because it's a reminder of what they don’t have. The last thing they want is to hear you go on and on about what a great guy you have. When I mention some of the great husbands or boyfriends my friends have, I will actually have people say to me, "Yeah, but they won't always be like that." Some people live in the land of unhappiness and negativity.

The same thing can be said for healthy choices. If someone wants to get healthy or active but isn't taking steps to do so (for whatever the reason), the last thing they want is to see you making those changes. If someone is insecure about their appearance, it can make them feel bad to see you becoming more confident about yourself, especially if they know you weren't always like that. If someone is insecure, it's much easier to hang around others who are insecure.

To be fair, when you have friends treat you this way, it's not because they're cruel and don’t care about you; it's because you are reminding them of something they want but don't have. Sure, some folks just want to drag others down to their level, but others are just too scared and insecure to "get real" and face their own fears. It's much easier to try to make it seem like YOU are the problem. YOU talk too much. YOU exercise too much. YOU shouldn’t care so much about what you eat. It's never about them but always about you.

I have some friends in my life who don't exercise and have no interest in running or races, but they ask me about my events, tell me how much they enjoy my Facebook posts and every time I see them they ask me what crazy thing I am doing next. Now, why would one group of friends tell me I talk too much about it and never ask me how anything is going, but another set wants to know all about it?

Simple: The people who want to hear about it even though they have no interest in doing these things themselves are okay with who they are.

Learn to ignore the negativity. It can hurt to hear these things from people who say they're your friends. Your friends should be the one group who always has your back. But sadly, sometimes their insecurities override their common sense and compassion. Love them. Pray for them. But don't allow their attitudes to dictate how you feel about yourself. They don't deserve to hold that kind of power over you.

Just be you. If that's not good enough for someone else, then find yourself a support system that will encourage you through this craziness called life. Don't totally give up on your friends, unless it gets really bad. That needs to be your call. But just know that you may actually be inspiring them or at least making them think, even if they can't admit it just yet.

Don't let a "friend" steal your joy. Don't allow them to make you feel bad about the positive changes you've made in your life.

At times I have found myself feeling guilty for losing weight. I went from barely able to walk up a flight up steps without huffing and puffing to running 5Ks. I have a family history of heart disease (my mom unexpectedly dropped dead of a heart attack right in front of me), arthritis, cancer, and depression….how dare ANYONE make me feel guilty not wanting to go down that same path.

I finally decided that nobody can make me feel guilty unless I give them permission to do so.

Guess what?

They no longer have my permission.