The Waiting Game

Saw the ear specialist on Saturday morning. I was told that everything seems to be fine with my ears. He did the Epley Maneuver which is used on people with vertigo. Not sure if it did anything or not. I now need to get an MRI done to check my head and ears. Not going to lie...I gad a complete meltdown in the parking lot afterward...and on the drive home...and after I finally made it home. Every bad condition I could think of entered my mind. It's scary when you know you have a problem but nobody seems to be able to tell you what it is. You start feeling like you're going crazy. I just want answers and all I'm getting is "you look fine." I haven't had any medical problems my whole life so needless to say I was unaware of how much of a waiting game the healthcare field is. You feel like you're just getting passed of from one person to the next, and now I have to wait for insurance to agree to cover the MRI before I get that done.

However, there is a bright side!


I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. Whatever is going on, worrying and having meltdowns is not going to make anything better. In fact, I gave myself the worst headache this weekend which I know was stress related. I did managed to make myself go to church Saturday evening which wound up being a good thing (minus the 3+ meltdowns I had there) because my pastor reminded me of the Haiti reunion that evening. A group of us went to Haiti on a mission trip this past February and one of the ladies was having a little reunion at her house. I figured I needed to be around people, so I went and was glad I did. Great food, great company. :)

Yesterday I went to youtube and listened to some great teachings from Joyce Meyer on prayer (my favorite being the one titled Hindrances to Answered Prayer...really convicted me about some unforgiveness/jealousy issues I have)  It really gave me a boost. Got back into the Word last night for quite some time and to face some of the issues I need to face and let go of, and I felt an amazing sense of peace.

I have actually been feeling a little bit better each day now. Yesterday I even managed to clean my kitchen and sit down in the evening for MasterChef and Hotel Hell. That was when it dawned on me that I haven't actually watched TV in a couple of weeks. Between taking meds that totally knocked me out and being woozy, I have pretty much been sleeping my life away these last couple of weeks. It was nice to be able to relax on my couch without feeling light headed. I'm still careful when it comes to bending over though. That's usually what starts the light headedness so no PiYo for me just yet! And gosh, I really miss my friends at MMA.  :(  At this point, I think I could go and do some of the class, like sparring or self defense...but forget pommeling, push ups and anything else that has me on the floor. As much as I want to go and push myself to see what I can do, I think it's wise to not push myself too much right now. Making grown up decisions is hard! LOL

Tonight is a group training run. I've missed the last 2. They're up to running 10 min at a time. I want to join them, but at this point I doubt I can keep up, so I'm getting out of work early and going on a run by myself to see what I can do. I have no idea what is happening health wise or what is going on with me (I have been told that if it is vertigo, it could last up to a month!)...but in September I have the Gladiator Rock n' Run and the Pittsburgh Great Race 5K and I am still determined to do them both even if my training has been almost zero. Luckily, they're both at the end of September so I have a good month for my health to improve. I see little improvements each day so I am holding on to that and praying it continues. Even if I do feel 100% before the MRI, I think I will still get it done, just to be on the safe side.

I don't know why this is going on but if it's gotten me back into the Word and daily quiet time (which has been lacking for a very long time now), then something good has come from it. Maybe God needed to remove me from some of the stuff that was taking up my life to get me back to what truly matters. It's easy to get so caught up in doing other stuff that you forget what's important.